The Beast Within

..."you know I feel like; this beast inside me." Rocky, from Rocky Balboa

Do you ever feel like sometimes it's hard to breath? Like there's just something inside that seems to clamp down on your emotions and spirit; that seems to make it hard to just carry on with the simplest things in life? Have you ever felt like there was this part of you inside that is, for lack of a better word, a beast?

 I mean, some of us look like beasts (I'm not thinking of anyone in particular here, okay maybe I am), but to act like one? That can be hard for those around us to have to watch or deal with. It's that part of you that takes over sometimes when your not really guarding against it. Many of us carry around inside us this beast that seems to drive us on when we are conflicted. It seems to be a force in our life that can leave a lot of damage in our wake, once the beast breaks off the leash.

The following conversation is between Rocky Balboa and his brother-in-law Pauly, see if you can relate to the conflict bubbling beneath the surface;

Pauly..."What you haven't peaked yet?"
Rocky..."Peaked?"
Pauly..."Yeah...Peaked."
Rocky..."Oh I don't know, there's still some stuff in the basement."
Pauly..."Basement...what basement?"
Rocky..."In here (points to his stomach)."
Pauly..."Tell me about the stuff."
Rocky..."What about it?"
Pauly..."Tell me about the stuff, inside, is it angry?"
Rocky..."Angry?"
Pauly..."Are you mad because Adrian left you?"
Rocky..."She didn't leave Pauly...she died!!"
Pauly..."Okay!...Okay,Okay,Okay."
Rocky..."You know sometimes it's hard to breath...you know I feel like; this beast inside me!"
Pauly..."It's okay Rocko, please it's okay!"
Rocky..."Is it?...okay...I...you know...I just never knew it was supposed to be this hard. It wasn't supposed to be like this Pauly, you know it?"

Can you feel the conflict with the beast in that conversation? It wants to get out. Get loose. Make those around him experience the same pain that he feels on the inside. I think we can all relate to that at some level in our lives. For some the beast is bigger and angrier than for others. We work to keep the beast on a leash, but there are those triggers...those points at which the beast surges beyond our control and before we know it, it's loose and wreaking havoc. We try to suppress it in all manner of ways. Or, divert attention from it, like the proverbial elephant in the room. We know it's there, but if we don't acknowledge it, then it doesn't exist.  The world is big on fairness...everything should be fair and equal for everyone. But, you know as well as I, that that is just not the case. To be honest, that is hardly ever the case. And, because it isn't the case, more and more, men are feeling that someone has to pay. And, in some cases, those that pay are those closest to us.

As a deeply committed spiritual man, I have spent countless hours fighting the beast and it left me with little time or energy to fight for my wife and family. Instead, it left me breathless and fighting against my wife and family. I finally came to the understanding that I needed help with this. So I "let go, and let God." It sounds cliche' and trite, I know, but it is the truth. And the beast can't stand truth. And, like Rocky states above..."I just never knew it was supposed to be this hard. It wasn't supposed to be like this"...When I came face to face with the beast and asked the Lord to help me fight the fight, I began to see I was beating the beast. It has been a hard fought, knock down, drag out, no holds barred fight to beat the beast. I don't know that I will ever be free of the beast, but at least now I know I can go toe to toe with the beast and win.

Here's the thing, we cannot fight the good fight for our marriages and families when we are fighting the beast within. It will be impossible to fight effectively for them, when we are at war with ourselves. We won't even get a good breath because of the ongoing internal strife of that fight. So, I would urge you, get the help you need to beat the beast and win that fight! Do it for yourself, but more importantly, do it for your family...their counting on you.

Ding, ding. Now get in there and fight...and win!!

Men...What's In The Name

"What is a guy when he's a nothing, a nothing but stuffing, ain't even got a name. I've changed on the out side, but on the inside, I still feel the same. Maybe some day I'll know who I am, but for right now, somehow, I don't have a name." Tigger, from Winnie the Phoo

It seems as though we men have trouble understanding just what it is that we should be devoting our time fighting for. We spend time fighting for things, but often we're punching at the very air around us instead of fighting for that which matters. As men we are given a name at birth that we carry with us until we die. But, for many of us, we have lost the connection to our name. And I'm not talking about our given name, but the tag that binds all the male gender together. That three letter word...Men. In this day and age in which we live, it almost sounds like a swear word. We don't seem to know who we are any more.

In our culture, as in many others, the family as we have known it for so many generations, is on the decline. Along with that decline, young boys as well as adolescent men have had no male role models in the home teaching them what it is to be a man and so they turn to look outside of the home.

Many of them end up being sports figures. Some may be from the entertainment industry. And still others, from the political or business arena. None of these mediums are wrong in general, but they do not produce the best role models as an example for the young nubile minds that are looking at them for the example of what it is to be a man. And, as is often the case, those who have been held up as role models in this day and age can be very questionable at best.

We all understand that we are flawed and less than perfect at times, (no one is more guilty of that than me) but how we live our lives leaves an indelible imprint on the minds of those we have influence over. And, how we live our lives in private, is who we are. Just as the quote above states, "I've changed on the outside, but on the inside I still feel the same."

We have heard it said in reference to public leaders, that what is done in private has no bearing on how this person will function as a leader. I don't think so!! Questionable decisions made in private, translate to questionable decisions made in public, that end up effecting everyone. And believe me, our wives and children can read between the lines. We need the strength of character to be the person in our private lives, that we are seen as in our public lives.

I love the movie "Second Hand Lions." If you have never seen it, it is a great story about just this theme...a young boy, pre-adolescent, with no male role model in his life. That is however, until he moves in with two of his Uncles and he begins to see what it is to be a man. The following quote is from one of the Uncles played by Robert Duvall. 

"I'm Hub McCann...I fought in two world wars and countless smaller ones on three continents. I've lead thousands of men into battle with everything from horses and swords, to artillery and tanks!! I've seen the head waters of the Nile and tribes of natives no white men had ever seen before. I've won or lost a dozen fortunes, killed many men and loved only one women with a passion a flee like you could never begin to understand...that's who I am."

Now, I doubt many of us has a resume' like that of Hub McCann, and it really doesn't matter for the purposes of this blog. What is poignant however, is that Hub McCann knew who he was. And, because he knew who he was he could make the last statement that is bolded and underlined without any hesitation.

Many of us are going through this life not knowing or understanding the real meaning of that three letter word...Men. We have a concept in our minds, created by what has shaped us, but does it allow us to state infactically...this is who I am with certainty of our character. And, is it something you can state without hesitation. Or, do you have a tag associated with you that denotes something negative?? Something that gets in the way of allowing you to..."love only one women with a passion..." Are you a nothing, a nothing but stuffing?? Do you have a name?? Are you the same man outside, that you are on the inside?? Well if not, that would be worth fighting to discover.

Now, that's something worth fighting for!!


  

The Fight of Your Life

"It ain't about how hard you hit, it's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward." 

Rocky, from the movie Rocky Balboa

Life is a fight. From the very first moment we take in a breath, we are fighting to survive.We fight to be heard. We fight to succeed. We fight for Love. We fight for our kids. We fight to be first. We fight to make the team...and once we have made the team, we fight to stay on the team.  The fact is I'm fighting for people to read this blog. My hope is, that in some cases I will win that fight and some of you will read what I have written. And, in so doing, you will come away with something to think about that will stir you to maybe consider that in this fight that is life, it is often about more than just what's in front of you...you know more than that nose on your face, or that bulge in your mid section.This blog will be a place for me to get out some of the fight that is in me, since I prefer not to hit anyone. Hopefully this will spur on men in particular, since I am afterall of the male persuasion. However, maybe some women too, will look inside and consider what it is in life that is worth fighting for.
Why Cinderella Men?? Because of the movie titled "The Cinderella Man". It is the life narrative of a depression era boxer, and I do like boxing, by the name of James J. Braddock. When I saw this movie, I was struck by the similarities I saw in his story, to that of my own life. It's not that I am a boxer (although there was a time when I did some amiture boxing), but it was the fight. The overarching theme of the movie, at least from where I viewed it, was that he kept fighting. No matter what came against him, he kept fighting. And it wasn't just in the boxing ring, it was all around him. He fought to keep his family together. He fought for his marriage. He fought for his reputation. And eventually, he fought to be the Champion of the boxing world...and won! As with the story of Cinderella, it is a true rags to riches story. The columnist from that bygone era named Damon Runyon deemed Braddock, "The Cinderella Man", in a column that he penned for the feature article before his Championship bout with Max Bear, and it stuck. And, like Braddock, as we consider this fight that is life, my hope is that you will find yourself a Cinderella Man and fight for all its worth.
So check in with me and see what it is that is worth fighting for...to quote Miracle Max from the Princes Bride, "Hey what's so important...whattcha got here that's worth living (fighting) for." Just substitue the "living" for "fighting" and it might surprise you to find that it maybe the same thing that you are fighting for. And then again, maybe not. Either way, I at least get the opportunity to fight it out on this blog.