The Beast Within

..."you know I feel like; this beast inside me." Rocky, from Rocky Balboa

Do you ever feel like sometimes it's hard to breath? Like there's just something inside that seems to clamp down on your emotions and spirit; that seems to make it hard to just carry on with the simplest things in life? Have you ever felt like there was this part of you inside that is, for lack of a better word, a beast?

 I mean, some of us look like beasts (I'm not thinking of anyone in particular here, okay maybe I am), but to act like one? That can be hard for those around us to have to watch or deal with. It's that part of you that takes over sometimes when your not really guarding against it. Many of us carry around inside us this beast that seems to drive us on when we are conflicted. It seems to be a force in our life that can leave a lot of damage in our wake, once the beast breaks off the leash.

The following conversation is between Rocky Balboa and his brother-in-law Pauly, see if you can relate to the conflict bubbling beneath the surface;

Pauly..."What you haven't peaked yet?"
Rocky..."Peaked?"
Pauly..."Yeah...Peaked."
Rocky..."Oh I don't know, there's still some stuff in the basement."
Pauly..."Basement...what basement?"
Rocky..."In here (points to his stomach)."
Pauly..."Tell me about the stuff."
Rocky..."What about it?"
Pauly..."Tell me about the stuff, inside, is it angry?"
Rocky..."Angry?"
Pauly..."Are you mad because Adrian left you?"
Rocky..."She didn't leave Pauly...she died!!"
Pauly..."Okay!...Okay,Okay,Okay."
Rocky..."You know sometimes it's hard to breath...you know I feel like; this beast inside me!"
Pauly..."It's okay Rocko, please it's okay!"
Rocky..."Is it?...okay...I...you know...I just never knew it was supposed to be this hard. It wasn't supposed to be like this Pauly, you know it?"

Can you feel the conflict with the beast in that conversation? It wants to get out. Get loose. Make those around him experience the same pain that he feels on the inside. I think we can all relate to that at some level in our lives. For some the beast is bigger and angrier than for others. We work to keep the beast on a leash, but there are those triggers...those points at which the beast surges beyond our control and before we know it, it's loose and wreaking havoc. We try to suppress it in all manner of ways. Or, divert attention from it, like the proverbial elephant in the room. We know it's there, but if we don't acknowledge it, then it doesn't exist.  The world is big on fairness...everything should be fair and equal for everyone. But, you know as well as I, that that is just not the case. To be honest, that is hardly ever the case. And, because it isn't the case, more and more, men are feeling that someone has to pay. And, in some cases, those that pay are those closest to us.

As a deeply committed spiritual man, I have spent countless hours fighting the beast and it left me with little time or energy to fight for my wife and family. Instead, it left me breathless and fighting against my wife and family. I finally came to the understanding that I needed help with this. So I "let go, and let God." It sounds cliche' and trite, I know, but it is the truth. And the beast can't stand truth. And, like Rocky states above..."I just never knew it was supposed to be this hard. It wasn't supposed to be like this"...When I came face to face with the beast and asked the Lord to help me fight the fight, I began to see I was beating the beast. It has been a hard fought, knock down, drag out, no holds barred fight to beat the beast. I don't know that I will ever be free of the beast, but at least now I know I can go toe to toe with the beast and win.

Here's the thing, we cannot fight the good fight for our marriages and families when we are fighting the beast within. It will be impossible to fight effectively for them, when we are at war with ourselves. We won't even get a good breath because of the ongoing internal strife of that fight. So, I would urge you, get the help you need to beat the beast and win that fight! Do it for yourself, but more importantly, do it for your family...their counting on you.

Ding, ding. Now get in there and fight...and win!!